is the Heart (2001)
Tender is the Heart (2001) is a whole
new genre. It is a "soft-core soap opera romance" (as in
romance novel). I have said in the past that C+ is the highest
possible grade for a soft-core. Well, the highest possible grade for a
"soft-core soap romance" is F+. It has the flubbed lines,
hospital settings and repeated dialogue of a soap, the "poor
tennis star finds true love with a famous doctor" romance story,
and a lot of naked people having simulated sex.
|Famous tennis star
Jennifer Gayle collapses on the court. Turns out she is diagnosed with
a minor brain tumor by doctor wonderful, who lost his wife, Adrianna
Sult, in a traffic accident. His best friend, who tried to set him up
with Stacy Noel for a double date with his girlfriend Jane Smith is to
perform the laser surgery. Gayle's manager, Toby Miller, ends up with
the surgeon. Lets see, there is nothing at all at IMDB, so that leaves
the nudity report.
|see the main
- Gayle shows breasts and buns in
three sex scenes.
- Adrianna Sult shows everything in
a dream sequence
- Stacy Noel has sex with doctor
wonderful, and a threesome with the surgeon and Jane Smith
(Breasts and buns here.)
- Jane Smith is only in the
threesome. Also breasts and buns
- Toby Miller seems to have
forgotten that this was a soft-core, shows everything, and is well
acquainted with Mr. Penis.
||The film is really as bad as it
sounds. There is a sub-plot about a hacker going into the hospital
computer, but it dies half way into the film. The surgeon, at one
point, says "Remember, I took one of my electives in
Psychiatry." Wrong. The elective would have been Psychology, not
Psychiatry. Some of the visuals were nice, although the film was
over-dark in parts. Acting was simply not there.
guideline: 7.5 usually indicates a level of
excellence, about like three and a half stars
from the critics. 6.0 usually indicates lukewarm
watchability, about like two and a half stars
from the critics. The fives are generally not
worthwhile unless they are really your kind of
material, about like two stars from the critics.
Films under five are generally awful even if you
like that kind of film, equivalent to about one
and a half stars from the critics or less,
depending on just how far below five the rating
guideline: A means the movie is so good it
will appeal to you even if you hate the genre. B means the movie is not
good enough to win you over if you hate the
genre, but is good enough to do so if you have an
open mind about this type of film. C means it will only
appeal to genre addicts, and has no crossover
appeal. D means you'll hate it even if you
like the genre. E means that you'll hate it even if
you love the genre. F means that the film is not only
unappealing across-the-board, but technically
inept as well.
Based on this
description, out of a maximum of F+, this one is a full F.
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