Blood Surf (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
this sounds good. Surfers who surf through shark-infested waters. Has
Oh, it's not about that. That stopped 10 minutes into the movie.
Well, this isn't bad. Three chicks on an island, and they run into pirates who intend to rape them. Could be a good exploitation thing.
Nah, it isn't about that either.
You see, the pirates and the sharks both get eaten by a bigger predator. It's a giant crocodile movie. A saltwater crocodile, to be more specific.
OK, it's kind of a dumb movie, I admit it. What would you expect from a movie about giant saltwater crocodiles, or salties, as the Aussie captain calls them, with that genuine affection that Aussies are known to have for murderous creatures. They call Manson "Chucko" there. Of course, salties are scarier than sharks because you can escape sharks by getting to land, whereas the salties are amphibious. The plot was more or less a straight knock-off of Jaws, including a grade-z impersonation or parody of Robert Shaw by the aforementioned crusty old sea captain. You see he once ran a tourist boat called the Indianapolis, and he once saw all of his tourists eaten by the salties. Or maybe he saw them eating saltines. He's kinda insane, so he's not sure. No, it was the saltie thing. There's another flashback to prove it.
|Yes, it is silly. The
acting is weak, and the plot managed to add in some pirates on an
island that nobody knew how to find, or how to land on. The
seafarin' Robert Shaw guy and the a native guy couldn't land their
the island in daylight because of the surrounding reef, but the
pirates had their boat safely moored there and were planning to sail
off at night!
The heroes even managed to catch one of the pirates in his own booby trap, simply by saying, "well, if you want to rape me, mister big strong pirate, come over here. No, not that way, a couple inches to the left"
| But it actually had
some interesting moments.
IMDb voters like it slightly less than getting dog doo-doo on their new Italian shoes, and they score it 3.3 - in the Ed Wood/John Derek range.
But I found myself strangely fascinated by the film. I think it would be great for MST 3000, and I really liked the bonus footage. I could have watched 30 minutes less of the movie, and 30 minutes more of the bonus footage.
The director is the same guy who did that evil gardener movie with Malcolm McDowell and Angie Everhart. Neither of those is a good movie, to say the least, but the guy has some imagination.
Tuna's comments in yellow:
Blood Surf (2000), AKA
Krocodylus is a Jaws type monster-as-villain film, starring a salt
water crocodile affectionately called Salty. Scoopy enjoyed the film,
even though he won't admit it to himself, and pointed out that it was
a terrible horror/thriller. If that were the genre, I would agree with
his D rating. However, I think I can prove that the genre is wrong.
4) Salty is supposedly an omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, territorial and vindictive beast with an insatiable appetite and a long memory. That is obviously a crock.
5) Then, near the end, they reveal the true genre. Two women escape across a small stream, then flash their tits at Salty to taunt him, then they decide to stop because "nobody likes a crock tease." I submit that nobody is evil enough to put a pun that bad in a thriller. The genre is obviously comedy.
The photography is lovely, as are the locations, the surfing is top notch and the DVD transfer is excellent.
As a comedy, and a
subtle spoof of Jaws, I give this a C+.
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