by Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy; Greg Wroblewski)
Fool's Gold is a film in which Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson,
as ex-spouses, hunt for sunken Spanish treasure while they bicker and
flirt and bicker and fall in love all over again. How much of a review
do you need? Everything that you would expect to happen does happen in
the exact order in which you would expect it, with one exception. For
some reason, there are no sharks.
This sort of adventure/rom-com can be fun if two things happen: (1)
the script maintains a fast pace; (2) the supporting players
provide entertainment along the way. I regret to report that neither
is true here:
- The last third of the film moves along swiftly, but before that
the script is bogged down in unnecessary details about why the
Spanish treasure is not where people think it is. These picayune
details are laid out to the point where I was confused. In fact, I
was relieved to see that the film's protagonists were also confused,
despite having spent their entire adult lives researching nothing
but this very narrow subject.
- Matthew and Kate are the best elements of the film. The
supporting cast engaged in a rather curious contest to see which of
them could play the least credible character. Ewen Bremner, a Scot, talked with a cartoon Ukrainian accent. Canadian Donald Sutherland talked with some kind of stuffy
pseudo-English accent which would not have passed muster in a high
school play. Alexis Dziena did an exaggerated impersonation of Paris Hilton's
as if Paris needed exaggeration. Kevin Hart, as the alleged heavy, did a grade-B Chris Tucker
imitation, except less masculine. The award for the silliest characterization of all went to Ray
Winstone, who made an absolutely ludicrous attempt at some kind of
southern American drawl, which ended up sounding like a high school
A.V. kid from New England trying to mimic Foghorn Leghorn
during the lunch hour cartoons. Those five people didn't even try to raise their performances above
the level of the usual stock characterizations from cheesy old TV sitcoms. If
Larry Storch and Huntz Hall could have time-traveled into this movie,
they would have been the subtlest character actors.
As for the stars ... well, they did what they always
do. His shirtlessness played the laid-back aging surfer with impeccable abs and pecs, and Hudson played the
challenging role of Kate Hudson. The film was a mini-hit because a lot
of people like that combination. If you are among them, go for it.
The only nudity came from two bit players named Clementine Heath and
Ashley Cheadle, who flashed McConaughey from a passing boat.
If you are not familiar with our grading system, you need to
explanation, because the grading is not linear. For example, by
our definition, a
C is solid and a C+ is a VERY good movie. There are very few Bs
and As. Based on our descriptive system, this film is a:
Watchable, mindless fluff. Basically a
TV movie with big-name stars.