Eight and a Half Women (2000) from Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Although his plotting is almost irrelevant and his concepts are so eccentric as to defy summarization, I have found some of his movies charming, quirky, intellectually engaging, and aesthetically brilliant.

I think Pillow Book is an aesthetic marvel, although I have to admit the purity of my aesthetic appreciation was rarely polluted by any comprehension of what the hell was going on. I think Drowning by Numbers is a masterpiece of eccentric art and puzzle construction, smarter and artier than, but comparable to, TV's "The Prisoner". I think "A Zed and Two Noughts" is one of the best examples of "moving pictures" as art - a true moving painting, although is stranger than strange.

As for "The Tempest" - well, it is unusual and quite a feast for the senses, although Elya reminded me that it was the most pretentious thing she's ever seen. And this from a woman who has seen all of Tarkovsky's movies. I mean - more pretentious than "Nostalghia"? That's pretty friggin' pretentious. Maybe she has a point, but I thought it was a stunner in a lot of ways. .

But on the other hand, Greenaway's eccentricities can be irritating and boring and uncomfortable to watch. "The Draughtsman's Contract" could be the single most boring movie I've ever seen.

I think that the new one, "Eight and a Half Women", doesn't have enough of his strengths, and is too deeply rutted in his personal eccentricity, intellectual aloofness, film theory and artistic theory.

It starts out with the death of a beloved wife, after which the sole son consoles his stiff banker dad by having sex with him. So right away you know this ain't gonna be a Touchstone Pic.

Then, together, they assemble a mansion full of concubines to fill up their grieving lives. A sub-plot about the bank's foreclosing on a Japanese businessman gives Greenaway an excuse to indulge his fascination with Japanese art, aesthetic design, and flower arrangement.

Not just japanese. Italian as well. There are at least two tributes to Fellini's "8 1/2". In the title, obviously, and in the fact that the father and son watch that Fellini classic twice.

The movie has some striking visual composition, and a truly excellent performance from the older man, John Standing. It also has some interesting discussions about filmmaking, the engineering marvel of the penis, Kabuki theater and various other subjects that you won't find discussed in the next Bruce Willis movie. For example, one Japanese woman wants to become a female impersonator so she can be more feminine - because the female impersonators in Kabuki are trained in every nuance of feminity.

I'll be honest. I try to support individualistic filmmakers like Greenaway, because I admire solitary and unique geniuses and their disregard for the copycat formulae of Hollywood. We need such people, and who else but Greenaway could even conceive of making such a movie as this? I really wanted to like this movie.

But in the last analysis, I really wanted it to end.

Sorry, Peter. I promise to watch "Drowning by Numbers" again as penance.

There's a ton of nudity, male and female, and it's quite creative. Naked women washing pigs, riding horses, in hospital braces, in nun's habits, in painterly tableaux. Some of the concubines got naked at one time or another. Father and son were naked constantly.

IMDB summary: 5.5 out of 10. Down there in the "Bad movie" range. I don't believe that Greenaway cares whether people like his movies. I suppose he'd wear this low score as a badge of honor.

DVD info from Amazon.